Sometimes I cry. Sometimes the tears stream outwardly down my cheeks. Sometimes the tears stay inside and I feel the tug on my heart, heavy inside my chest. Sometimes the tears are joyful and sometimes they are mixed with sadness. But regardless, these tears are for you my girls. These tears are the physical manifestation of the love that I feel inside my body and at times is so great, it cannot be confined.
These moments with you, they are fleeting and passing all too quickly. I look at you, Jewel, giggling and laughing as you stare at my face; your little hands and arms grasp for my body and I feel your whole body relax once I swoop you into my arms and against my chest. I wonder in amazement, Sparkle, as I see you flying around the room, dancing and the pure joy emanating from your face as you soar through our home. When did you turn into this beautiful, creative and intelligent little girl? It was you who was once swaddled up in my arms, against my chest, like your sister is now.
One day, soon, the two of you will not be my tiny little wonders and I’ll ache for these moments, as chaotic as they may be. I will ache for you to sleep and breathe heavy against my neck, I will ache for your little hands and arms to grasp onto my body, I will ache for your little voices to laugh and squeal in my ears. That’s when the tears come. Because this journey of motherhood is more than anything I had ever imagined and as much as I try to drink you in every single moment of every single day, the moments pass far too quickly.
I hope one day you know the love that I feel for the two of you, that you understand how my heart can be filled with so much love that it’s almost painful. I hope one day you understand why… Sometimes I cry. ❤️❤️❤️