Confession. I’m getting very nervous.
We are 8 months along my little tiny baby bean. You are getting more and more active each day. And with each passing day my body gets more and more prepared for you. I’ve been contracting more and more. You will come early. I’m pretty sure of it. I visited my midwife yesterday and I am already 80% effaced, with a soft cervix and you’re pretty much at zero station. You are preparing yourself for your big debut. You absolutely cannot come this early my love. If you do, it will for sure be a NICU stay at only 32.5 weeks gestation. Please try to hang on until at least 37 weeks. I will be cutting back my workload and working from home and I will be doing my best to stay off my feet (although your big sister still needs love and attention too!). In all honesty, I’m scared. I’m scared because you’re not ready. I’m not ready. I’m really really really not ready.
With the big move to the new house and major changes in my work/career life, I haven’t devoted the necessary time to mentally prepare for your arrival. I’m scared about labor again. I remember the pain. And I remember how I worked against my body last time because I was so scared and unprepared. I vowed to not be unprepared again. But here we are, at 8 months and I’m no where near being ready. I haven’t finished my Bradley Method book, I haven’t practiced my relaxation techniques and I haven’t mentally walked myself through what this labor will entail (I don’t even have my birth plan written out yet 😦 ).
I was thinking the other day about how I haven’t even mentally prepared how our little family will be forever changed once you get here. We are going from a family of 3 to a family of 4. And while I’m beyond ecstatic and over the moon, I also realize that it is going to take some adjustment on all our parts to make sure we’re ready. I need to devote some time to this. I really do. I keep telling myself that I’ll have time once maternity leave starts. But if you come early, well there is no time. I want to be fully ready for you and I feel like I’m failing. It’s all going at hyper speed and I can’t slow it down. I need to figure out how to carve out some mommy and baby bean time. I just have to.
I can tell my mind and my body are so exhausted from the amount of stress I’ve been under and I truly believe this is the reason for all the contractions. Ugh. I wish there was more of me to go around so I could get everything done that I need. It doesn’t matter. You are my priority my love. I will figure out a way to rest more and prepare more all at the same time, haha! Sounds impossible eh? Never. Not when it comes to you.
Happy 8 months my love. Promise me you’ll hang in there for a few more weeks and I promise I will rest and care for you more and focus on our last few weeks we have together, just you and I.