Thoughts and Ramblings: A case of nerves

I’m going to be very honest with you right now, my sweet princess. Mommy has a case of nerves. As the days grow closer and closer to your arrival, I’m beginning to get more and more terrified. Please know that you are SO loved and SO wanted. I would walk through fire to have you and protect you and keep you safe.  I love you SO much already and have since the moment the pregnancy test showed up positive! It’s just all becoming so real that, yes, at some point in the very near future, you are going to come out into this world…via my body. Um, ouch. I keep trying to remind myself that my body is built for childbirth. Evolution has served us well and I am equipped with everything necessary to not only grow you, but to bring you into this world as well. I remind myself that millions of women have gone through this and survived, and this has been going on for as long as humans have populated this earth! But if we’re being honest, it does little to comfort me. Yes, women for millions of years have been giving birth, but I have never given birth haha. MY body has never been through this. This will be MY first time.

I.Am.Terrified.

And that, my sweet little souvenir, is an understatement haha. But it is my truth right now. Last night I was laying on the couch with Daddy, resting, and we were watching you dance away in my tummy. You are so strong now that my entire belly moves and gyrates right along with you and we can even make out certain body parts! We were playing with your left foot as  you were jabbing it up and out of my side. We pressed on your shoulder/back as you were wedging yourself up high out of my belly near my belly button and all of a sudden I had a flutter of anxiety. You must come out. Out of my body. And you are only getting bigger and stronger. Don’t get me wrong…PLEASE get bigger and stronger! Keep baking, be healthy and perfect!!! It’s just an overwhelming sense of fear (mostly of the unknown) when I think about labor and delivery. I want you to be okay, first and foremost. And then I want to be okay too! I hope we are both okay.  And you know what, it’s not going to be easy for Daddy to watch us go through this either, so I hope he’s okay too. 😉

I am promising you right here and now that I will do whatever it takes to ensure that your delivery is perfect. Whatever that may entail. You will be fine. I will protect you and I will do what I need to do to make sure of it. I promise. I will keep you safe and make sure that when you enter this world I am the first person you will see, smell and snuggle with. I will be there for you 110%. I know when it comes down to it, I will take the pain, the physical trauma to my body and whatever else I may need to endure to honor this promise. You can count on it. I know all this fear and anxiety is probably a normal part of the process so I will channel it into something good…focus and drive. Until then, I just wanted to share a little bit of what mommy is feeling these days. Excitement and nerves. But we will get through this and in the end, I am going to have the most precious souvenir a woman could ever ask for. YOU.

I love you ♥

Image Source: Google images
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About Em

After the loss of our first pregnancy, we took a much needed vacation to Costa Rica to enjoy each other and clear our minds. Well, as luck would have it, we brought home much more than great memories and great tans...our own little Costa Rican souvenir. Here is our journey!
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