Reflections of an honest mom

I’m awake. It’s way past my bedtime, but I can’t sleep. Both of you girls are here next to me in bed, breathing slow, rhythmic, deep sleep breathes. I’m reflecting tonight and looking back at pictures of you, sparkle, when you were the jewel’s age. I’m in tears. Where did the time go? Who is this preschool aged girl that has somehow replaced my firstborn? Why does it seem like a lifetime ago, and why is there such a disconnect in my brain between that baby and the young girl you are now? It’s like I blinked and you grew up. My memories are failing me, but thank goodness I’ve taken so many pictures. They bring back those treasured moments. 

Am I failing you? I think this often. You are such a sweet, kind, funny, inquisitive, creative and innocent child. And I yelled at you today. You didn’t even do anything wrong. You just wanted and needed me. And I was tired and I yelled. I messed up today. It’s been weighing heavy on my heart because you are my light. You are my everything and I was wrong today. I never want to break your spirit or darken your innocence. Looking back at pictures tonight, I’m reminded of how lucky and blessed I am to have you. I need to do better. 

I’ve been at home with you girls for almost 5 months now and I’m really enjoying it. Yet, I applied for a job today. What am I thinking? How could I ever leave you girls now that I know the joys (and the trials) of being home with you full time and knowing everything about both of you and being the one to witness your growth and all your discoveries?

The truth is, there’s a part of me that longs to go back to work, to find fulfillment in a career outside the home. There’s a part of me that feels like maybe I’m not doing enough, that there is no “prestige” in raising my two beautiful daughters and that I need to be out in the work force contributing somehow. And then the guilt of those thoughts slaps me hard in the face when I look at you two. How could there be anything more prestigious, more righteous, more upstanding than devoting my life to ensuring that my children are loved, supported and cultivated in a way that could bring so much goodness into the world. It is an investment in this world’s future. What could be more prestigious than that? Nothing. Honestly, nothing. Then why did I apply for that job?? What a torn heart I have about it all. I wish I could have/do both. 

Laying here in the dark and my heart is aching for you girls. The love I feel for you both is so strong and overpowering that it sometimes physically hurts. It’s a love I had never experienced before you both entered this world. It’s all consuming and I wouldn’t have it any other way. You are my reasons. My bests. My Everythings.  

I will do better tomorrow. I promise. 

I hope one day you know the love I feel for you both. 

All of my soul, I love you. 

Mommy Em. ❤️ 

Posted in Baby, Baby #2, Random thoughts, Reflections, Siblings, Sisters | Leave a comment

We have a tooth!…Finally

It only took 9 months and 1 week ha!!! Your bottom left tooth broke through today! You bit me today and I felt it! 😳 No more buying okay?? 😆

I can’t believe your gummy smile is coming to an end. I’m not ready! Why are you growing so fast?!?! 😭

I can see that the second bottom tooth is no far behind either. Sigh. My baby is getting teeth, wah!

I tried to get a good picture, but that proved to be nearly impossible. Enjoy these attempts though!

   
   

I love you baby girl!!! 

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9 Months

My most precious little jewel, happy 9 months baby girl!!! It is crazy to me that you’re 3/4 of the way through your first year of life! What?? You continue to be such an incredible joy and I seriously cannot imagine my life without you. You have brought so much happiness to this family. How did we ever survive without you?! At 9 months, we are finally in our new home in Colorado and you are settling in nicely. It’s crazy how many different places you’ve moved in your life already! My little traveler 😉. 

  • Weight: 18lbs 3oz
  • Height: 28 inches
  • Head: 17.75 inches

Newest Developments

  • Crawling is much more efficient and you’re getting pretty fast!
  • You can stand holding onto furniture, unassisted
  • You are trying so hard to pull yourself up all on your own
  • Stranger anxiety is in full effect and you scream and cry if anyone other than mama or dada try to hold you or pick you up 😳. 
  • You can say three words; dads, dog, and mama
  • You JUST started doing the cutest thing where you will shoot your arms straight up over your head when we say “reach for the sky!” 😍
  • Your sissy is still your favorite person, but you have learned that if she takes a to from you, all you have to do is cry a little and mama will come to the rescue 😜. 
  • You absolutely adore food and will eat anything I put in front of you. 
  • STILL NO TEETH!!!😍

   
 

   
  

  

             

   

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

 

I love you my jewel!!! I love you so much I might burst! Happy 9 months 😍❤️ 

Posted in Baby, Baby #2, Development, Infant development, Monthly milestones | 1 Comment

I’m a crawler!!!

Baby girl!!! Two days ago, you got it!! You are officially crawling love. You have taken a few crawling steps before this video, but nothing like what Daddy caught! It’s so amazing to watch you try and try and master new skills. I’m so excited for you. This opens up a whole new world for you!!! Great work babes! 

And we move into our new house in Colorado in 4 days little one, so you’ll have plenty of space to explore! 😍

https://vimeo.com/126043833

Posted in Baby, Baby #2, Development, Infant development, Neural development | 2 Comments

Developmental rockstar!!

So three days ago, out of nowhere, you decided to start pointing…at 8 months old. Are you kidding me?! So now you pretty much do it all the time and you are so proud of yourself too. Confession. I’m pretty proud of you as well!!! You are so developmentally ahead of the game and it is so amazing to watch. 

You also wave with your hand/fingers now. And you officially say mama!!! Woohoo!!! Daddy also swears he heard you say your name tonight…I’m not so sure about that, but I wouldn’t put it past you!

This age is so incredibly fun!!!

Psssst. Still no teeth 😉

   

         

https://vimeo.com/125347046

Posted in Baby, Baby #2, Development, Infant development, Random thoughts | 1 Comment

8 months 

And the development really continues! You’re officially 8 months old today my precious jewel!! And wow, you just keep growing and changing and surprising me every day! This last month you have learned some very fun tricks; from waving to almost crawling to eating and talking! It’s been so exciting to see how many skills you’ve gained in the last few weeks, but also it’s bittersweet because it’s just all going so fast! 

Newest Developments

  • Waving! You can wave hi and bye and just because 😉
  • Rocking to crawl. Yep, you’ve figured out how to get on hands and knees and rock back and forth. Any day now you’ll be crawling. Wah!
  • Talking!!! Wow. Yep, you’re officially a talker now which is just crazy to me!!! Your first words? Dog and Dada! 😍
  • Eating. Anything and everything haha. You love food and try to steal it off my plate any chance you get!
  • Still teething and no teeth yet. You’re still my baby WOOHOO! 

Weight – 

Length – 28 inches

Head – 17.75 inches

   

 

   

  

   

   

                 

   

              

  

 

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

 

https://vimeo.com/122758708

https://vimeo.com/123492647

I love you baby girl!

Mommy Em

Posted in Baby, Baby #2, Development, Infant development, Monthly milestones, Uncategorized | 2 Comments

Just because

Because it’s Friday. Because my heart is bursting with love for you girls. Because I want to document our adventures every chance I get. Just because. ❤️💋





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